Christian Parenting and Family Building
Creating a Positive Christian Family Atmosphere
Creating a happy and healthy family begins with parents. Through showing love, support and faith for God, oneself and one's children, a positive foundation can be laid that encourages spiritual growth.
Love Kids Unconditionally
"But the greatest of these is love." – 1 Cor. 13:13
God’s love is unconditional, and that is what parents should strive for with their family. Although many parents know they love their children, sometimes the message is not as clear to children. Some may feel that they are loved, but only when they are behaving well or if they are getting good marks in school. Kids need to know that they are loved even when they make a poor decision or fail to meet expectations.
Unconditional love does not mean letting kids do whatever they want. Parents need to lead and guide their kids so they can become independent and moral adults. Being permissive in the name of love is does a disservice to children. They need structure to learn how to navigate in this world.
Parents Need to be Assertive
It’s important for parents to find a balance in how they raise their children. To create an atmosphere of respect in the home, parents need to be kind in their actions to steer away from being too controlling and authoritarian. They also need to be firm and consistent to ensure they don’t become wishy-washy or permissive in their parenting style. Christian parents can find inspiration in Jesus, who taught from a place of love, not fear, and who was both kind and firm in his teachings.
Allow Kids to Experience Consequences with Support
Parents should aim for an environment of supporting their kids. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. See mistakes as an opportunity for children to learn, not as a time to shame or blame them. The goal is not to punish kids or let them “suffer” the consequences of their actions. The goal is to let kids make choices and experience the consequences in an environment where they feel understood and supported. Allowing kids to make mistakes and grow from them is how parents can help them learn new skills and become more confident in themselves.
Look for Solutions and Avoid the Blame Game
Society often focuses on “Who is to blame for this problem?” when the focus should be on “How do we solve this problem?” Positive discipline focuses on the future and what is needed to prevent problems. What skills and attitudes are needed? How can parents and kids work together towards problem solving and prevention? Children might be responsible for the mistake and should take ownership to remedy the situation, but it’s important for them to know that “Team Family” is on their side.
Parents can talk with kids about what happened and guide the conversation to help kids see how they can remedy the situation. Parents can also do the same for themselves. Parenting is no easy job, and mistakes will be made. Berating oneself will not improve the situation, it is better to show self-love and look for solutions to make things better for the next time.
Acting Versus Reacting to Kids
Sometimes parents can “lose it” with their kids and deal with them in a reactionary irrational way that is more anger-driven than thought out. The goal for parents is to be aware of what pushes their buttons, because kids know how and will push them. Ideally, parents will act in a consistent, thoughtful and level-headed manner. It’s fine to show emotion, but the goal is for the parent to be in control of the situation, and not let their emotions take over.
Sense of Humour
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” – Prov. 17:22
Some people think that being Christian means being serious about their faith at all times. Religion is an important part of life that requires serious thought and reflection, but it is something that should be celebrated as well. Being fearful and overly serious can cause people to lead an unbalanced life and to lose their sense of humour. Finding reasons to laugh and experience joy together are key to a healthy and happy family.
Be Grateful for Everyday Blessings
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thess. 5:16-18
Parents need to role model an attitude of gratitude for their family. Appreciate all the blessings in life, from the food on the table to being able to have children to bless one’s lives. There will always be difficult times, but parents need to do their best to see the positive in both the little and big moments in their daily living. Teaching children to appreciate the miracle of their life is one of the best gifts parents can give them.
Having Faith
Christian parents are dedicated to teaching their kids about having faith in God. It’s also important for them to have faith in themselves and their children, especially when it seems most difficult. Parents need to believe in themselves, that they have the skills, intuition and support to help them be the best parents they can be. It’s also important for parents to have faith in their children and let them try new things and face challenges that are within their reach. This way children can develop faith in their abilities and sense of self.
Building a strong Christian family means loving kids unconditionally, being assertive and looking for solutions instead of finding blame. It also involves having a sense of humour, promoting a gratitude attitude, and having faith in God, oneself and one’s children.
For more parenting tips, check out How to Discipline Your Child.
Reference: Nelsen, Jane; Erwin, Cheryl; Brock, Michael; Hughes, Mary. Positive Discipline in the Christian Home: Using the Bible to Nurture Relationships, Develop Character, and Strengthen Family Values. Roseville, California: Prima Publishing, 2002.
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