If your child has lost a beloved pet, a friend, or a family member you know this time of grieving is a very difficult time. Not only does your child know that something or someone he loved dearly is gone forever, but he also may not know how to handle this degree of sadness. Parents and other loved ones can take an active role in helping a child know that it is okay to grieve, but that things will also be better one day.
In John 16:22, Jesus says, "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." (NIV)
Helping Your Child Cope with Death
~~You need to give your permission for your child to cry. He needs to know that it is acceptable to feel sad, and that it is okay to cry. No one is going to make fun of him or think he is weak for showing these emotions.
~~If your child acts out his sadness with anger, do not isolate him. Instead of sending him to his room and punishing him for his actions, grab him and hold him tight. Let him know that you still love him and you are going to be there to help him sort out his feelings.
~~Children often know that when they display negative feelings in other situations (such as an argument with a sibling or cheating on a test) they usually get punished. This is a time that your child needs to know that this type of negative feeling is one that is out of his control, and you still love him even though he is experiencing negativity.
~~Let him talk, you listen. When dealing with grief at its very beginnings, your child needs to have an outlet. This is not quite the time to hold a discussion and give feedback to his feelings. Let him say everything he has to say. It will make him feel better. Take mental notes of the things he has said for a later time to discuss them. You may find that just by being able to vent, some of those issues will dwindle away on their own.
~~In a more calm atmosphere, let your child know that getting angry is a natural process in grieving, and it is okay as long as he is not physically breaking things, hitting someone, or trying to hurt himself. This is a time when counseling may need to be considered to let a professional help with the healing process.
On the Road to Recovery
Grieving takes time and time alone. There is no remedy that can quickly fix a child's broken heart. Each day does get a little easier, so here are some ways that you can help brighten the days for your child and hopefully put a smile back on his face, if only for the moment:
- Make your child his favorite dessert and serve it as a surprise after dinner.
- Stuff "I love you" notes and/or prayers under your child's pillow, so he will see them at night.
- Mail a surprise package to your child that contains a favorite hobby (stamps, trading cards, etc.)
- Do your child's chores for a week.
- Invite your child on a long walk around your neighborhood and let him just talk your ear off.
- Read the Bible together.
- Develop a secret code that only you and your child know and use it daily to express your love.
- Just be there!
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