Taming a Temper Tantrum
Using Tenderness and Love to Your Child's Advantage
Seeing your child go through a temper tantrum is a hard thing. Don't let your child's angry fit turn you into a rage yourself. Tame it with love and self-control.
A child may throw a temper tantrum for many different reasons. Usually there are triggers that set off the tantrum, and you can use those triggers to your advantage. Things like a new environment, being tired, and being hungry can trigger a tantrum, so watch for these clues and catch the moment before it happens.
But what happens when your child loses control of his emotions, and it seems like nothing you try will console him? Just love your child. In describing love, Paul tells us, "It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Corinthians 13:5. Do not become angry yourself. When you become angry and try to control the situation with yelling at your child, this just feeds his fire and makes him more determined to stay angry. This is what your child really needs:
A sincere squeeze. Sometimes your child is upset because he feels insecure or scared. For instance, falling and scrapping a knee when you are not around can make your child feel scared. Holding your child tight, in a firm and loving grip, will bring back the safety that he desires. At first, he may try to wriggle away from you or scream, but keep on holding him. Once he realizes that you are there for him, he will become calm.
Let him whack a few things. Sometimes in order to work things out, a child needs to have an outlet. Give him a pillow to hit or a toy that requires banging or mashing (like Play-Doh). This will help him work out his frustration. He must calm down before he can put his feelings into words. Never let it be acceptable for your child to hit another person in the throws of a tantrum. You should explain this to your child when he is calm and can undertand that you mean it.
Remain calm. We have all had days where we feel like we are yelling too much, and that is because we are. When your child is having a tantrum, it is important to stay calm yourself. This teaches your child how to have self-control and keeps your view of the sitaution in check. It all takes time, but he is learning to internalize calmness, so he can calm himself down when he feels angry in the future. If you need to leave the room because you feel yourself getting worked up, simply tell your child that you need to leave the room and will be back shortly.
Find a fuzzy friend. Giving your child his favorite fuzzy friend or blanket may help diffuse his anger. If your child is sleepy, the soft texture and repetitive stroking can help calm your child, and may even send him off to dreamland. Fuzzy friends work wonders!
Switch gears. Sometimes a tantrum is brought on by the fact that your child wants something he just can't have. This is no time to give-in just to make peace. But, you can offer a new situation that might interest your child just as well. Try going outside, if possible. The fresh air and new environment may do the trick. You can also try to offer a snack and see if that helps.
Keep in mind that if one tatic works one day, it may not work on a different day. You must be patient and use trial and error to find what trick will help your child calm down. No matter how you do it, do it with love! You are not only teaching your child to calm down, but you are teaching him how to do it properly.
